Feel How You Want to Feel

Have you ever struggled with feelings? Feeling something you don’t want to? Then feeling stuck with the feeling? Who hasn’t!
If you prefer to listen:

Statistics for anxiety disorders and depression continue to climb, leading you to believe you should have control of your emotions and if you don’t there’s something wrong with you.
  • 1 in 6 Americans take antidepressants
  • there are over 30 different kinds of antidepressants
  • Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the United States. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), 40 million Americans over the age of 18 are affected by anxiety — roughly 18 percent of the nation’s population
  • The constant state of stress can lead to clinical depression.
  • Anxiety disorder may cause loss of appetite and lack of interest in sex. Other symptoms include muscle tension, headaches, and insomnia.
  • Anxiety Is Bad for Your Heart! Anxiety can be just as important as other factors, such as high cholesterol, in determining whether you get heart disease or not. Previous studies have shown that mental stress and depression have harmful effects on the heart and blood vessels

Where does this put America’s state of mind? Anxiety disorders and depression increase by 20% every year.

Add to that the conditioned need for instant results, instant resolve to feeling bad and it leads to confusion, dead and dying energy – no passion, no desire, no dreams, no goals.
  • Maybe you want more growth in your business and you’re not seeing it – and it’s stressing you out, making your decisions more confusing, feeling more desperate.
  • Maybe your family never listens to you – and it makes you feel invisible and you’re not sure what to do to change it, you feel lost and isolated.
  • Maybe you have a mission you feel passionate about, but you have no energy or confidence to get it out in the world – and it’s weighing on your heart, bringing you down.
Whatever the root cause is of your feelings – you’re not stuck with them, not stuck where you are.
And medicating the symptoms is NOT the answer but many women think they have to in order to feel well again – or just to make the feelings go away.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
That’s exactly what I’m here to help you with, how to own your feelings so you’re never stuck with one you don’t want or like again – without medication or isolation.

You are taught that feeling bad is a bad thing. But being emotionally healthy does not mean you must be happy all the time.

There’s a lot of information out there about emotions, feelings. Giving the impression that if you cannot control your emotions, there’s something wrong with you.

EMOTIONS ARE NOT MEANT TO BE CONTROLLED, THEY ARE MEANT TO BE FELT.

You can feel what you feel and still be emotionally healthy. It’s time to let your feelings be your guide to a happier, healthier life. I help my clients understand how to use their emotions holistically – all of them. 

Of course I’m going to say there’s a better way. And it’s going to sound too simple. Because – statistics, news, media, hype, misinformation – but taking charge of how you feel really is simple.

You can start each day by choosing your feeling set point. Yes, you can actually choose how you want to feel, how you feel IS entirely up to you.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that emotions are supposed to be controlled, and if you can’t control your emotions – there’s a problem. YOU are the problem. But that’s entirely wrong. I will say it again because it’s that important.

Emotions are not meant to be controlled, they are meant to be felt.

That’s why every emotion you have, has a physical component.

Emotions are signals – not something to avoid, deny or ignore. Simply medicating someone so they don’t feel or notice their emotional signals solves NOTHING. So if someone takes meds but goes into the same life with the same beliefs, in the same conditions – problems get worse.

Where’s the power in that approach? It allows someone to believe they have no power, no control, no hope. That does not sit well with me.

Your feeling setpoint will change day-to-day – and it should. Life changes, you can change and adapt – like a ninja to stay ahead of the curve whether that be calm, organized, centered.

This is about choosing a state of BEING or feeling to move through your day on full awareness mode vs. fingers crossed, hope it goes well mode.

If you feel yourself tensing up, getting distracted, wearing down – simply revisit your feeling set point and decide what you need to do in the moment to move toward it. It’s like hitting your feeling reset button whenever you need it – just like rebooting your computer when it gets too bogged down.

That means telling yourself what you need to hear. Do not underestimate the power of this.

You ARE in charge of your energy and you can take charge of your chatter – which will get you to the feeling set point you want and need to handle your life.

The worst thing you can do is focus on how you don’t want to feel, journal about it, talk about it, tell others about it – it all adds up to magnifying how you don’t want to feel.

Make no mistake – This does not mean stuff feelings, ignore them or pretend your fine. Actually acknowledge and bring presence to how you are feeling – but if it’s not how you want to feel, do with the intention that you are not staying in that bad feeling space.

Awareness of how you are feeling, tuning in throughout your day to check your feeling set point is what helps you navigate as the day unfolds vs. unraveling with the day’s unexpected events. As long as you are aware, you can notice what you notice and adjust to a better feeling thought and emotional place.

Introduce then reinforce the belief that you can choose how you feel – you can steer your emotions in the direction you want them to go.

Here are tips to take charge and feel the way you want to feel!

1 – start each day by choosing your feeling set point, then setting the intention to let it be your home base

2 – activate that emotion with a visualization, meditation practice – walk through your entire day in your mind, how you want it to go, how you will feel, handle things – be vivid

3 – journal your goals as if they’ve already happened, only write about what you do want

4 – notice wha you notice as you move through your day

5 – hit your feeling reset as often as needed – adjust to get back to your feeling set point for the day

6 – practice, practice, practice – repetition is king

Learn to Love Your Emotions with this 2 hour Workshop – $11 https://coursecraft.net/c/loveyouremotionsworkshop

Burnout Is No Joke!

Being a sensitive is such a blessing but without careful attention to your energy, it can feel like a curse.

If I have a very busy, cluttered week (like I’m having this week) and I don’t take time to mellow out and spend alone time resting, guaranteed I will pay a hefty price with my energy and clarity.

I start thinking about EVERY-thing I have to do (in my entire lifetime) and my head starts to spin. I see all the unfinished projects around me and it chokes my energy.

I am currently teetering on the edge of burnout right now which is probably why I’m writing on this topic. Because yes, it happens to me too, but I’ve learned to recognize the signs and take action – as in, no action.

That’s why I preach so much on self-care, I know the damage and recovery is harsh if you don’t make time to do it – notice I said make time to do it.

I get asked by other sensitives if I ever experience the things they do and how I handle it. Yes I do experience the same things. That is why I do what I do at Big Dream Awakening – so you don’t have to go as far down the rabbit hole of burnout as I have in the past.

I also get asked how I manage to “get it all done” or I’ll hear “boy, you’re a go-getter”. I do not say that to brag, because that’s completely not my nature. I share this with you to be absolutely transparent.

Because the truth is – I don’t get it ALL done. I have piles of laundry to be done, a house to clean, a workout missed here and there – just like anyone else. I get moody and want to stay in bed some days so I don’t have to go out peopling. Hello, I’m an empath!!

It’s not that I’m a “go-getter” driven by achievement. I just don’t know how to stop doing what I do to help more sensitives and I will not give up doing the things I love that bring me joy.

So I do what I can, when I can. I reset my expectations to “normal for an empath”. I feed my soul and sometimes I just stop…doing…and…let…myself…just….be.

I’ve learned to read my energy and even though I don’t always listen – I said I was going to be transparent here, I’ve learned that if I ignore (because I’m stubborn) my energy needs – I pay a price and am forced to slow…way…down…and…take…a…break.

And that is not always pretty. It may look like a day of not moving from the couch or a quiet day of talking to no one other than my dog. It’s not “fun” alone time at that point.

Recovery from burnout is uncomfortable because I love to be moving and doing. But it’s in those moments that I realize I way over-did, over-pushed and over-ignored my energy.

So when I hear a sensitive say they feel overwhelmed or too tired or a little crazy from it all…I really do get it, I understand because I have been there.

My reality looks like this. I work a full time job, run my business, work with clients, host a radio show and I’m writing a book. That does not include the everyday life tasks, trying to have a social life, stay in shape or spend time with my family. And throw in there that we’re in the midst of moving to a new home while living temporarily in a rental.

Again I’m sharing because the tools I teach – I use in my own life. I could not do all that I do without them. They work for me and they can work for you. One of the best tools I can share is awareness.

Be aware of your energy at all times.

When I give TLC to my energy, all flows pretty well and I can handle a lot, a lot. When I’m over-extended, I’m a freakin’ mess, my energy drains and my light goes dim.

This is something I see in my clients. They take on so much, with no “me-time”, that energetically they get wiped out. There’s no room for anything else but they push themselves thinking they should just keep going and do more. Wrong!

Even your cell phone will shut down and force you to plug it in for more juice. Your body will force you to unplug for more juice.

What is Empath burnout?

Well first, it is real. I’ve heard people say that burnout is not real, it’s a frame of mind. Obviously they’re not a sensitive. Nothing feels more real than burnout to an empath.

Burnout is not in your head. You can’t just ignore it and keep going. It’s your body’s way of giving you a message – You need to slow it down or I will shut it down. It will scream at you if you don’t listen.

The good news is it can be avoided and you can learn to recognize burnout signs early to bounce back quickly.

The definition of burnout is best described as physical or emotional exhaustion as a result of long-term stress. For an empath stress can come from a number of things that seem everyday-normal to other people.

Things like:

  • Attending a large social function or group event
  • A few hours of running errands through busy stores or the mall
  • Spending time around negative or crabby people
  • Experiencing a harsh discussion
  • Trying to meet multiple deadlines
  • Too many ‘people’ meetings
  • Going through someone else’s trauma or heartache

Signs of Empath Burnout

There are real signs and symptoms of empathic/emotional burnout.

Side note: Let me make it clear, this does not mean you are weak, crazy or lazy. Because those are the terrible things I hear empaths say about themselves, and I used to talk to myself that way too.

“Your inner chatter does matter.

If you are telling yourself you need to get it together or you’re blaming yourself, etc. just stop. Some organizing and energy management would be good but talking down to yourself will not help.

If you are experiencing or heading for burnout, you might feel:

  • Physical, mental and emotional exhaustion which spins into thoughts and feelings of shame, self-doubt, failure and can snowball into feeling like you’re in a crisis.
  • There’s too much at one time and you feel like you’re drowning emotionally.
  • You feel zapped of any motivation, wanting to withdraw from everyday life.
  • Heavy thoughts and feelings, you’re starting to question if you are depressed.
  • Like you cannot put a string of thoughts together, nothing seems to click and you’re finding it difficult to focus on one thing let alone everything you need to accomplish today.
  • You feel very heavy in your body, weighed down. Your steps feel heavy and take extra effort when walking.
  • You have physical pain like headaches, joint aches and pains.
  • You are extra jumpy or cranky, everything around you seems to set you off.
  • You just don’t give a crud about much even though it feels like everyone is coming at you from all sides asking what you think.
  • Your first thought when your alarm goes off is “already? I wish I could just sleep all day”
  • Everything feels like a huge project, even simple things like folding the laundry or getting the mail.
  • You can’t seem to make a decision to save your life, you’re completely over-stimulated with choices and feel paralyzed.
  • There’s nothing about being around people that appeals to you right now, you just wish you could shut the door to the world for awhile.

Here are a few more questions to help you determine if you are in or heading for burnout right now:

Do you feel completely overwhelmed? One thought snowballs into another, collecting everything you need to take care of with no end in sight and you feel crushed from the pressure?

Do you feel like you can’t get your thoughts straight? Even though you have projects to complete, nothing flows, your mind feels clunky and it almost hurts to think?

Does your body feel extra heavy? Like you’re dragging around invisible bricks and you feel heavy from head to toe?

Has your motivation left the building? You have no desire to do anything, not even the fun things you used to enjoy because it all feels like work?

Time For Energetic Hygiene

Just like you brush your teeth to avoid the buildup of plaque, you must do quick and efficient clearings of other energies to avoid buildup in your body, mind and emotions.

Here’s a quick list of energy tools to get you back to your centered, amazing, bright-shining sensitive self!

  • Stop moving. That’s right, veg out and rest your physical body. Your mind and your emotions will follow.
  • Close your eyes. This stops the visual stimulation and brings you right into your quiet space.
  • Sleep and then sleep some more. This will help reset your energy centers and naturally slow your systems down.
  • Eat for energy by color. Whole foods by color to balance your chakras. (avoid fast food, the chemicals will create more work for your body to detox)
  • Carve out alone time to do nothing.
  • Work your creative muscle – only if you feel inspired to do so.
  • Spend time in nature. Just be, no thinking allowed.
  • Watch a favorite, uplifting or inspiring movie.
  • Do something that makes you laugh.
  • Say no to things that don’t feel right for you. You will be so glad you did.
  • Just do what feels right for you in this moment. That may be nothing at all. Your energy knows best, trust what you feel.

And finally, schedule a Sensitivity Scan with me. We’ll address what’s going on with your energy, where the holes are that are draining you. I’ll make recommendations for your personal care plan to get you back to feeling good again.

When you tend to your energy on a regular basis – that being as close to every second you can – you will literally feel like you are born new again. Your outlook will be brighter, you’ll feel excited to take on the world and do all the things that felt so heavy during burnout.

You’ll rise up from burnout and start living again. You got this!

How To Turn Your Sh*t Into Sunshine

“Sh*t happens.” An old, vulgar slang phrase once so popular they made t-shirts and bumper stickers for it.

It even appeared in Forrest Gump as he was running across the country and stepped in dogsh*t. A fictional account plays out a guy wanting to make a bumper sticker, saying to Forrest “Whoa! Man, you just ran through a big pile of dogsh*t!”, then Gump said “It happens”, the guy replied, “What, sh*t?”, Gump replied “Sometimes”; and supposedly the slang was created.

I’ve had clients (including myself) refer to being in a “sh*t storm” when I ask them how they’re feeling at the start of their session. Have you ever been there? That totally chaotic, unpleasant whirl of mess?

They go on to say, “it feels like everywhere I turn, there’s something else to deal with, a mess I have to clean up and I’m sick of it. It’s just a sh*t storm.” It’s grinding to deal with.

And there are things most of us do during those times that not only make it worse, but make it linger on and on. Beyond the messy into the every day, carrying it forward with us as we move along our path.

I was talking to my coach one evening and she asked what I help my clients with and it just flew out of my mouth – “I help them turn their sh*t into sunshine”. We both laughed, then almost at the same time said – “hey, that’s pretty catchy”.

So, I put what that really means into simple and easy points and I want to share them with you.

You’ll learn 7 common mistakes to stop making that keep you feeling crappy.

And I’m not kidding, these are so simple, which means you can stop doing them immediately and start feeling better.

And, I’ll also teach you the one thing you can do to transform anything, and I mean anything in your life so it doesn’t hold you back anymore.

Because I would guess you have some dreaming to do, and feeling crappy in a sh*t storm definitely will not help you one bit to bring those dreams to life. And that just won’t due for me. You deserve to dream and you deserve to see them come true.

Register now to save your spot on the call.

Monday, January 25, 2016
7:00 pm – 8:00 pm CST

It’s going to be fun! WARNING, you’ll feel BRIGHTER by the end of the call!

“I don’t know”

DETOX TUESDAY – let’s free up some energy to create confidence and clarity!

If I could erase one phrase from your vocabulary it would be……..

“I don’t know”

I hear it all the time! Women say it in response to questions regarding what they want.

It doesn’t help anything. It keeps you in limbo. (unless someone else starts making the decisions for you)

“What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know.”

“What do you want to eat?”
“I don’t know.”

“What do you want in life?”
“I don’t know.”

Stop saying “I don’t know”.

I hear that response in probably 90% of my consultations initially. And there are real reasons for it, none of which are helpful for getting what they really want. That’s of course why women come to me, to get clarity on what they want.

Gaining clarity on what you want is part of the process, but there’s more to it than that. You also need belief you can have it and belief you deserve it.

Here’s what I know, every time you say “I don’t know” as a response to any question that pertains to you, your wellbeing, your dreams, your desires or your needs – you are actually telling yourself that you really don’t know what is best for you.

“I don’t know” translates to “I don’t know what is best for me”. It translates to fear and self-doubt.

That’s a lie. If you say “I don’t know” that means you’re buying into the lie.

Here’s the truth. You absolutely do know what is best for you, more than anyone else in fact!

Here are just a few sneaky beliefs hiding behind the “I don’t know”, see if any resonate with you:

  • I’m afraid to tell you what I really want
  • I’m afraid I’ll sound pushy if I say what I want
  • I don’t believe I can have what I really want
  • I’m too distracted to listen to what I want
  • I’m overwhelmed and don’t want to decide on anything right now
  • I’m not feeling passionate about much of anything
  • I was never taught how to trust my own intuition
  • I’ve been saying “I don’t know” for so long it’s an automatic response
  • Even when I say what I want, no one listens so what is the point

They say it’s the little things that matter.

It’s so true. Little things like saying “I don’t know” over and over actually shut your intuitive side down. And that matters.

Little things of that nature add up to feeling stuck, or making you question your own judgement about what is best for you.

You know what is best for you.

So, starting today, stop saying “I don’t know”.

Here are some easy ways to erase that sneaky little saying:

  1. Ask yourself what you “feel” for. Get out of your head and drop into your heart. It’s usually easier to figure out what you feel like than to think of what you want. So, what do I feel like doing, what do I feel like eating, how do I want to feel in my life. The rest will unfold from there.
  2. Pick a theme. Today I will choose things that make me feel adventurous, courageous, comfy, healthy, etc. Then when you’re asked what you want, choose something that fits in that theme.
  3. Just choose something FAST. Challenge yourself to make a decision in a matter of seconds. The longer you wait, the more you go up in your head and swim around in confusion. The faster you decide on something the more intuitive it will be. This also refines your intuitive skills.
  4. Take a break from deciding – when it feels right. Your response may be “I’m open to suggestions”, “I’m open to all possibilities”, or “I want to do what you want to do”. Sometimes it’s nice to let someone else decide on the smaller things so you can rest your decision making muscle and just go along with the flow. You are still deciding, but you’re leaving the outcome up to someone you trust. You may wind up trying something you wouldn’t have.
  5. Catch yourself and rephrase. If you hear the words coming out of your mouth, just stop, rephrase and move along.
  6. Trust that you know what is best for you. In fact, say it to yourself throughout the day –“I absolutely know what is best for me” then try these phrases instead “I would enjoy…”, “I would love to….”, “I choose…”.

Now, if you found a few of the sneaky beliefs hit home for you and you’d like to erase and replace with something more supportive – schedule a free consultation. I would absolutely love to help you!

It’s a fun way to look behind the curtain and see what’s really going on. It’s also a great way to gain clarity on what you want as I mentioned earlier, and – even better, clarity on action steps you can take immediately to move forward in the direction of your dream.

So, promise me now…no more “I don’t know” from you! You do know, so trust in that.

Let The Healing Begin

Nothing feels worse than having your heart broken.

At first you feel dazed, confused – denial sets in. You tell yourself this can’t be happening, not for real. It can’t be true.

Your mind flashes back to memories when everything was okay, then dashes back to the present moment – you suddenly feel like you’re in a living nightmare.

Reality sets in and you realize everything has changed.

You feel raw, like someone literally reached inside you and ripped your heart out.

As the days pass you do what it takes to make it through the day which may include isolating, staring out the window at nothing, eating loads of ice cream and watching sad movies you can cry your eyes out to. Melancholy becomes your new friend.

After the original sting passes, you’re left feeling a bit lifeless inside. Things that used to excite you, really don’t anymore. You get in the habit of feeling numb.

Until one day you wake up and realize your life is full of things that don’t matter, things that are not serving you-other than distracting you enough to cover up the pain that’s been left behind by your heartbreak.

You tell yourself to just “let it go”, “get over it already” or to forget about it.

But the damage is done. And it still hurts when you let yourself go there.

But you don’t, you try to hide how you really feel. Still it’s there. That dull ache from your castaway heart.

And even though you don’t like feeling this way, it’s there.

When you’re alone with your thoughts it’s there. The heartbreak. The reality.

What you once had is gone and you still can’t believe it, you still can’t believe it can hurt like this.

Some days are better than others, some are not.

You’re just tired of living this emotional roller coaster-you want off, you want to feel good again.

You used to have a dream, it energized you. Life had color and zest, full of possibilities. To feel that way again would be a welcomed thought.

It’s time for a shift.

Away from the pain, toward new meaning and purpose. Healing beyond heartbreak so you can dream again.

Healing begins with a simple proclamation – “I want to feel good”

And the longer you wait, the longer heartbreak has to take a toll on your spirit and wellbeing, your health and your success.

Healing beyond heartbreak is a process. Take the first step with my free report 3 Easy Ways To Feel Good Now.