What Sucks?

Yes you read that right. I am asking you what sucks?

I was listening to my mentor Amethyst Mahoney during a workshop and she played this game called “What Sucks, What Rocks” with a participant. She had the participant list off all the things that sucked, then all the things that rocked. I thought it was genius! Their energy went from really low, cleared and then ended on a high vibe.

It reminded me of a client that once asked me if it was ok to say “life sucks ” because that’s how she was feeling at the time. I replied yes, in fact I said, it’s more than ok, it’s raw but it’s REAL.

There are days that feel like your whole world is wrong. (even when it’s not really true)

One of the problems I have with the whole positivity wave is that people actually feel bad – about themselves – when they want to be positive, but they feel like life sucks.

They feel like a failure saying things like “I try to be positive but…”

Admitting you’re NOT fine does NOT mean you did something wrong, are not a positive person or that you failed at being your best self.

It’s the truth in the moment.

Why lie to yourself?? When did pretending everything is ‘fine’ ever get you what you wanted?


Have Your Cake & Eat It Too!If I frost a plastic cake does that make it a yummy cake? Nope. So pretending you’re fine when you’re not is NOT going to make your life any yummier either. (I love cake. Don’t mess with my cake. Yes I said yummier.)

Let’s stop lying to ourselves and just be open and honest.

I’ll go first.

I’ve been having a few days where I feel like nothing I want is coming together.

The kind of day where my mind keeps mulling through all the shit that went wrong, the rights that didn’t go my way, the ugly warts of life and crappy feeling outcomes.

And it feels really weird to even admit that I have those thoughts – to you. I can do it to myself, but to openly say that I’ve been feeling sucky just seems like I’m going against my own grain.

But bullshit never accomplished anything. Truth matters. Truth makes all the difference in clearing negative energy and up leveling your vibration.

Otherwise you’re just slapping lipstick on a pig as the saying goes.

And the truth is there will be days where life feels like it just sucks. Where all the decisions you categorize as MISTAKES wickedly laugh in your face. And all you can say is “this sucks”.

Or maybe all you can do is cry. And I have.

Or pout. Yep, did that too.

But I didn’t stay there. I know better. I’ve learned the hard way what staying in crappy thinking gets me.

Zip. Zilcho. Nada. Or worse.

What’s worse than not getting what you want? Getting what you don’t want.

I end up feeling like a loooooser. And it’s a long way back.

Now if you know me, you may be thinking… “but Nicole, you’re so positive. And, you just moved into a new house, you should be grateful.”

I am. I always have more to be grateful for than I have to throw a tantrum about. Feeling the way I’ve been feeling does not take away all my gratitude or blessings.

But that’s not what’s rising to the surface for me this week.

The nasty, shitty, icky stuff is festering and gurgling in my energy. And I need to deal with it so I can wash it away.

Have you ever had a pot boil over on the stove?

All is calm and good at first, then the heat rises and the water starts to boil…you think all is under control, you turn away for one second it seems….and next thing you know you’re running to turn the heat down screaming “nooooo”!

But it’s too late. You have a mess to clean up. An unexpected mess might I add. You initially think “what the hell, how did I let that happen?” and then quickly move to get it cleaned up.

You don’t stew about it, you just get it cleaned up. (pun intended)

No one puts anything on a burner to purposely have it boil over.

Energy works the same way. All good and calm, next thing you know, you’re crap’s boiling over – all over your life and it’s messy.

When it does, you can feel grateful for the mess. It’s an opportunity to clean it up and start fresh.

Because something interesting happens for me after the ‘woe is me’ bubbles up and over. I get a little pissed off and I want to do something about it. (just like the pot on the stove)

“What the hell is going on here? This is NOT who I am! I’ve made it through worse than this. I’m NOT a quitter. F*ck this, I’m in charge and it’s time for ACTION. Time to get this mess cleaned up.”

There you go, welcome to my inner dialogue.

I know that when my energy is messy, it really means good things are happening under the surface. I’m getting rid of what I don’t need.

So is it really wrong to focus on what sucks?

That depends.

If you rant off all the things that suck….and add why they suck, how they suck, with all the gory details and so on to yourself and everyone you know…then yes. It’s absolutely, hideously damaging to your energy.

Why? Because you get attached and create a victim story you cannot deny. By telling all the messy details (that feel like justification) you own that story as a piece of who you are.

This is where I would blast the fog horn and tell you WRONG.

All the shitty details are NOT who you are. They don’t even exist…you created all those details and gave them meaning, none of which serves you in any way.

Details of any story are all a matter of perspective.

On the surface it may feel like some sort of badge of honor. “Look what I’ve been going through”. But what you’re really telling yourself is “I give up”, “I can’t do this”, “I’m not good enough”, “I suck”.

If you simply state the answer to WHAT SUCKS and move on, you’re literally moving through it.

You’re not owning it, you’re not giving it presence in your life. You’re basically saying, “don’t like this, so what, I’m over it, I’m bigger than this – because I’m moving forward to something better”.

Back in my days of management, I used to tell anyone that worked on my team that venting was totally acceptable, bitching was not.

Venting by my definition is getting it all out, dumping the crap, getting things off your chest so you could feel free and clear. (let’s call it verbally vomiting but not at anyone, just purging what’s not agreeing with your system, a true rant)

Bitching is mulling through the same story, issue or problem day in and day out, to everyone you talk to, annoying everyone around you because all they can think is – enough already. You never take any action to change it, you just keep talking about it like it just happened. (it could be 3 years later, still telling the same story) That is bitching in my book.

Yes, I’m guilty. There’s this weird attachment we have to our stories. At some level feeling like “it may be shitty, but it’s my shitty so I’m going to honor it by talking about it over and over again”.


There’s no honor in that.

Honor is having a not so great experience and rising up stronger because of it.

Tell that part of the story. How you overcame, conquered, kicked some ass. Are you with me on that?

So, today…you have full permission to RANT, VENT and PURGE.

Whether you do this verbally with a friend or with pen and paper…get it all out.

Because by doing this, you’re being HONEST, REAL AND RAW with yourself and your energy will thank you for it.

When you clear out the ugly, you make room for the beauty. That nasty energy is taking up precious real estate.

Dreams need room to manifest in your energy.

Aristotle once postulated, “Nature abhors a vacuum.” Meaning that any empty space must be filled with something – you can make sure it is something good.

With that said, what sucks?

Get it out….then MAKE SURE you get really clear about what you DO want to manifest so you can fill in the space on your terms.

A bit fuzzy about what that really looks like for you? Schedule a free Have Your Cake & Eat It Too session!

We’ll work through what sucks and get you crystal clear on what kind of cake you really want…I mean what kind of life you really want. (sorry, cake on the brain)

The bold, brave, loud and proud version – the one you maybe haven’t let yourself really believe is possible for you – yet.

That’s where I can help. I’m pretty snappy at helping people DREAM like a badass.

No holds barred, no house rules or limitations…dreams that are ALL OUT, OVER THE TOP, frosted and delicious! Whatever the hell it is you really want to see for your life.

Are you ready to dream like a badass?

Then get on my calendar…I’m ready and waiting to help you clear the mess and get to the good stuff.

I say…Have your cake & eat it too. (and no calories in this kind of cake!)

4 Replies to “What Sucks?”

  1. You know what sucks, here are just a few~

    Caring for people with cancer and not seeing them ger better really really SUCKS!

    Feeling like your teenager speaks a different language than you, and it seems like everything you do annoys them. That SUCKS!

    Holding a grudge about something, someone. which keeps you hovering in circles SUCKS!

    Not being able to say goodbye to your loved ones who passed on suddenly SUCKS!

    Seeing all the fake bull$@&# on social media that overflows at times, making you feel like less of a person. That SUCKS!

    Looking back on my list of items makes me feel that I do indeed fail at things. Failure gives you a chance to re -evaluate your inner core and make improvements! Sure it’s normal for me to feel down, depressed and even defeated. But the real deal is that I never give up. It’s true you can’t be 100% to everyone and everything. You can’t help others unless you feel a positive about your own mistakes and triumphs! I have been humbled by many situations in life, the key is to what you take away from those traumatic, stressful and disheartening events that really really SUCK!

    I feel thankful for what I have and the struggles that have lead me down a dim path that in the end took me to a brighter path. Today is a day to appreciate all the things in my life that SUCK! At times I grieve about my mistakes and failures but in the end it is about the true faith you, your family and friends have in the person you are, that allows you to become a better person!

    1. That’s it Cherie! Get it out. Because you said it so well, the real deal is…NEVER give up. Life is full of things that suck that we cannot control. As you said, the key is what you take away from any event that challenges you. It’s opportunity to show yourself what you’re really made of. And, you are ALWAYS stronger than you feel. Thank you for being so open and raw…and real. The world needs more genuine people like you. Now that you’ve started clearing…what amaze-balls things will you fill that energetic space with? I cannot wait to see it for you! Hugs!

  2. They say timing is everything! Well recently I have been having many “Life Sucks” moments and feeling bad that I am falling back in my progress; back to where I was! Then my therapist said – no now you just know how good you feel and how good life is and how much better it can get so you view these tiny set backs as going backwards. Instead she said think of the person you were even 4 years ago, would you have at that time felt these were set backs??? NO you would have thought these to be real progress. Like you said Nicole life is what you make of it, how you think and what you do with those thoughts!

    However since this has been in my head for a week or so …
    IT SUCKS … having your adult daughter tell you two and a half years after your divorce and 2 months after you marry the man of your dreams “that I never gave her dad a fair chance”!

    IT SUCKS … when my x husband has our children for two days and has a melt down and calls one of our adult children to come get them he can’t deal with them and the only way you know this happened is because our younger children called me!

    IT SUCKS … that my two adult daughters treat my mother (their grandmother) with more respect than their own mother!

    IT SUCKS … that my x husband will not respond to any communication from me and then when I am able to get him on the phone he calls me a bitch and tells me he wishes I would die!

    But it is OK for life to suck once in a while as long as you are able to recognize that and find a way to move past it without swallowing your emotions. Nicole you’re amazing! Hugs

    1. Wow Donna, that’s a lot of heavy energy filling your precious space. I’m so glad you ranted it out! You don’t have to own anyone else’s stuff. It’s theirs to deal with. I see set backs as set ups – realize how differently you handle these major situations compared to how you used to feel about them, how you used to handle them – or more like how they handled you. Sometimes life gives us crap to see how far we’ve come, to see if we’re ready to up level. It’s like a test for yourself to grade your progress – your therapist nailed it! So, while I can appreciate how all of those points SUCK (and hurt), I encourage you to see your resilience and your brilliance. That you have not slipped backward – you are stronger, wiser, braver, bigger and bolder than you ever were before. I can only imagine where you’ll be 4 years from now at this pace! Woot!

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